In this proposal the intended audience for Project IV is: Anyone willing to volunteer or interested in volunteering. Also anyone who is concerned with the Humane society
Why should your audience care about the topic and your proposal? Because my proposal talks about how the Humane society needs volunteers and how the division between all of these related organizations are affected the availability of volunteers
One thing I think I did well in my proposal is: Used many quotes
One thing I am not so sure about in my proposal is: How to make a conclusion. I also have a lot more information but I am not sure where or how to integrate it.
In this proposal the intended audience for Project IV is: Anyone willing to volunteer or interested in volunteering. Also anyone who is concerned with the Humane society
Why should your audience care about the topic and your proposal? Because my proposal talks about how the Humane society needs volunteers and how the division between all of these related organizations are affected the availability of volunteers
One thing I think I did well in my proposal is: Used many quotes
One thing I am not so sure about in my proposal is: How to make a conclusion. I also have a lot more information but I am not sure where or how to integrate it.
When I walked up to the Humane Society I notice several physical aspects that could use some improving. I notice the driveway is unpaved and the yard has no fencing for the dogs to run and play. This is just the physical flaws that anyone could see. When I came to meet with CEO/CFO Barbara Zekausky we began discussing many of the internal flaws of the organization. A nonprofit company can be very difficult to sustain when there are many bills that need to be paid and no guaranteed cash flow. It’s also a challenge to maintain the facility when there aren’t enough helping hands being lend.
There are many opportunities to raise money for the business but there isn’t any manpower to do so. “There aren’t enough reliable volunteers that we can count on to do what they are supposed to without having to hold their hands.” Barbara has been struggling with her volunteer situation her entire 10 years being CEO however, recently has been more of a challenge than anything. She claims to be feeling helpless when it comes to finding the right amount of people needed to do even the smallest tasks to raise money for the company. Where have all the dedicated volunteers gone?
There have been many organizations popping up all throughout Kentucky that were once a part of the humane societies and have decided to leave and put their missions at the top of their priority lists. “All of our volunteers have been helping out with all of these other organizations and have forgotten who started all of them. They see their desperate need of these companies to get started and they rush to help them because it looks like they need more help than we do, that may be true, but it doesn’t eliminate our need for help.” There have been several of Barbara’s most reliable volunteers who can’t help out as much because they are devoting their time to other projects.
“The NO KILL MISSION was originally funded by us and once we had to pull out because of our own need to keep our heads above water our names were forgotten and the leaders of the mission instantly turned their backs on us. They forget what it was like to struggle and they also forget how they even got started. We still support them just not financially.” By putting a temporary halt to their extreme efforts to make this mission apart of all the shelters in Shelby County the board members of the humane society are allowing themselves to stay afloat instead of drowning in debts for another group. There are many improvements that are still waiting to begin to expand the humance society.
“I am hoping that once we have everything finished on the homefront we can combine all of the related orgainizations again and all work towards our common goal which is to help the animals.” Barbara has been a major supporter of all of the No Kill fundraisers and has put a lot of time and effort into making the mission stable. She also endorses operation CatSnip which is intended to help fund the spay and neutering of felines within shelby county animal shelters. “By the end of our expansion I hope to have everyone together and we can get a lot more funding and delegate as needed. If we all could work together the animals would benefit immensely.”
If all of the organizations would join together the volunteers wouldn’t have to make a decision about where they wanted to volunteer and they wouldn’t have to take a side. Everyone would get the help they needed. Also they would attract a wider range of people. The funding would be better too because they could generate a larger income if they all combined the profits raised.
1. Read through the proposal. Is the intended audience (as stated in the writer’s statement) evident? How do you know? Also, does the writer use “I think,” “I believe, “I plan..,” or any other redundant phrases. If so, let them know that these need to be changed and/or deleted.
ReplyDeleteYes, because you state where all the volunteers have gone and that you need more volunteers to help fix up the place. Your audience is people who care about animals and are willing to help with the Humane Society. You also don’t use “I think” or “I believe” so that’s good.
2. Is there a concise discussion of the subject/topic being proposed? What is the topic and where in the proposal is it first mentioned? It should be in the first two paragraphs.
Yes there is a discussion about the subject being proposed. You talked to the CEO of the Humane Society and discussed how they have struggled finding volunteers for a while. You first mention the proposal in the first paragraph of how the Humane Society has many flaws to it and should be cleaned up and also talking with the CEO.
3. Is there a concise discussion of the intended focus, aka, thesis statement? This is where you can say “In this paper/project I…” What is the intended focus statement, and where does it fall in the proposal (what paragraph?) If there is no intended focus statement be sure to let them know, and also relay what you as the reader see as the possible focus.
There is no thesis statement in the proposal of what will be discussed in the paper. You sort of give a general idea of what will be discussed in your piece, about needing volunteers for the Humane Society, but it’s not brought out in the proposal. NEED A THESIS.
4. What is the rationale for choosing the subject/topic? Who cares, or should care? Why? This should be outlined in the proposal. If not, let them know, and also relay what you as the reader see as the possible rationale.
There are many people who care a lot about animals and want to make sure they are in a safe and healthy environment. Emphasize more on the importance of this subject. I know that you didn’t know how to write the proposal but talk more about what you think of it instead of what the CEO has said. You can still mention it but this is more about your input.
5. Answer this question:
The writer makes me care about the humane society, by stating how bad it looks and that they need volunteers.
By filling in these blanks, does this answer the question “So what?” Using specific information from the proposal itself, how does it answer it? If it is not clear, let them know.
Talk a little more on how it is affecting those who are at the Humane Society. What would happen if we didn’t get volunteers to help?
1. Read through the proposal. Is the intended audience (as stated in the writer’s statement) evident? How do you know? Also, does the writer use “I think,” “I believe, “I plan..,” or any other redundant phrases. If so, let them know that these need to be changed and/or deleted.
ReplyDeleteYes, because you state where all the volunteers have gone and that you need more volunteers to help fix up the place. Your audience is people who care about animals and are willing to help with the Humane Society. You also don’t use “I think” or “I believe” so that’s good.
2. Is there a concise discussion of the subject/topic being proposed? What is the topic and where in the proposal is it first mentioned? It should be in the first two paragraphs.
Yes there is a discussion about the subject being proposed. You talked to the CEO of the Humane Society and discussed how they have struggled finding volunteers for a while. You first mention the proposal in the first paragraph of how the Humane Society has many flaws to it and should be cleaned up and also talking with the CEO.
3. Is there a concise discussion of the intended focus, aka, thesis statement? This is where you can say “In this paper/project I…” What is the intended focus statement, and where does it fall in the proposal (what paragraph?) If there is no intended focus statement be sure to let them know, and also relay what you as the reader see as the possible focus.
There is no thesis statement in the proposal of what will be discussed in the paper. You sort of give a general idea of what will be discussed in your piece, about needing volunteers for the Humane Society, but it’s not brought out in the proposal. NEED A THESIS.
4. What is the rationale for choosing the subject/topic? Who cares, or should care? Why? This should be outlined in the proposal. If not, let them know, and also relay what you as the reader see as the possible rationale.
There are many people who care a lot about animals and want to make sure they are in a safe and healthy environment. Emphasize more on the importance of this subject. I know that you didn’t know how to write the proposal but talk more about what you think of it instead of what the CEO has said. You can still mention it but this is more about your input.
5. Answer this question:
The writer makes me care about the humane society, by stating how bad it looks and that they need volunteers.
By filling in these blanks, does this answer the question “So what?” Using specific information from the proposal itself, how does it answer it? If it is not clear, let them know.
Talk a little more on how it is affecting those who are at the Humane Society. What would happen if we didn’t get volunteers to help?